On Rejection
I've never been a natural, all I do is try, try, try
Hello everyone. Connecting with new people and catching up with old friends I hadn’t spoken to in years has been one of the most unexpected joys of re-launching this newsletter. I appreciate those who have recommended, shared, or reached out.
Thank you for showing up in this little corner of the internet where I get to be completely myself. I sometimes hesitate or put off prioritizing writing here because I feel like I “should” be spending that time on paid work or industry related writing. But reminding myself that this space is essential, both for my own well-being and for others to really know me as a person, has been healing.
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On Rejection
Rejection only sounds sexy when you’re telling the story in past tense.
Example: “He got rejected from [some big opportunity]… but then he went on to [something even bigger and better].”
Through the years, I’ve been rejected from more things than I can count, and they generally don’t hurt anymore. You build a tolerance. But there are always a few opportunities you really felt you deserved. The ones you worked hard for, applied seriously to, or went seven rounds of interviews for, where the rejection just feels unfair.
I guess I haven’t fully learned from my last post about being too attached to outcomes. Rejection still exposes how much I quietly stake my identity on certain yeses. What am I afraid of losing if nothing in the world is mine?
Anyway, I wanted to write this for myself to reread, or for anyone who might feel like things aren’t really going their way. I’ve read enough self-help books and listened to enough founder podcasts to know the script by heart: rejection is rocket fuel, every “no” is a setup for a comeback, the underdog arc is the most inspiring one. Blah blah.
We know the famous examples. Oprah Winfrey was fired early in her career and told she was unfit for television. Michael Jordan was cut from his high school varsity basketball team. J.K. Rowling was rejected by multiple publishers before Harry Potter was accepted.
Look at them now. They’re extremely successful because they persevered. That’s great for them. Their happy ending has already been written. But what about me? What about the people who are still in the middle?
So many now wildly successful people moved forward not because they were applauded early, but because they were dismissed, underestimated, or rejected. That part is true. But the middle, the stretch before it all makes sense, is the hardest part. The forty years of wandering in the desert before God takes you from Egypt to the Promised Land. It’s uncomfortable and thankless.
A lot of us are living there right now. But you’re still here, still building, still writing the story. And that counts for something. We’re still trying.
Chris Dixon wrote in an old blog from 2010, “If you aren’t getting rejected on a daily basis, your goals aren’t ambitious enough.”
That reframing changes everything.
These people weren’t carried forward by early validation. They were sharpened by rejection. Being underestimated gave them something solid to push against. Dismissal became pressure, and pressure forced them to grow into versions of themselves the world eventually couldn’t ignore. And sometimes it’s not even dismissal. They just might have been looking for a different fit at the moment.
“I came to realize that employers weren’t really rejecting me as a person or my potential. They were rejecting a resume,” Dixon said. “As it became depersonalized, I became bolder in my tactics.”
Whether you call it faith or fate, I believe rejection is often God’s protection. Everything happens the way it’s supposed to. A withheld “yes” that saves you from a smaller life you were about to accept just because it was offered.
Stories like that are everywhere. And it’s easy to roll your eyes because it never seems to happen to you. The truth is, it probably already has, in ways you’ll never fully see.
It’s happened to me in the jobs I didn’t get because I wasn’t ready yet. The move I never made to London. The people who said no and came back later when the timing was better. The doors that closed without explanation, but saved me from paths that would have cost me more than I understood at the time.
There is a strange peace in trusting that it’s all part of God’s plan, even when the plan feels vague, slow, or deeply inconvenient.
Julia Stewart was once promised the CEO role at IHOP, only to have it fall through. Instead of waiting around, she left and built leverage elsewhere. She became CEO of Applebee’s. Years later, Applebee’s acquired IHOP.
Rejection doesn’t mean you’re unworthy. It doesn’t mean you missed your chance. Your story can go in so many directions, and that just wasn’t part of the plot.
“To all my failures and rejections, you may have thrown me down, but you will never strip me of the passion I have for entrepreneurship. For it is with my loved one that stands by me, I ought to bring about what I truly seek.”
— John D. Rockefeller
The ending will make sense later.
For now, surviving the middle is enough.
Rejection shows up often these days. I hope one day it shows up daily.
See you tomorrow.
So beautifully said.
Good read, thanks for writing Erika